The Power of NO
The Power of No
(Creating and Setting Boundaries)
Healthy relationships depend on maintaining effective personal boundaries. But many people don't know where to start. Boundaries; "a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line”. Dividing the line between their needs and your peace.A boundary is a border and it can be physical, such as a fence between two properties, or abstract, such as a moral boundary that society decides it is wrong to cross. If you have no sense of boundaries, you probably annoy people sometimes by getting too close to them or talking about inappropriate topics(I hope that is not you *smiles*).
Healthy Boundaries:
Healthy boundaries define what is appropriate behavior in our relationships – behavior that keeps both parties safe.And setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and positive relationships. But let’s first look at the different types of boundaries .
What boundaries do you need?
One way to identify your boundaries is to think about the areas of your life where you're experiencing problems. Do you constantly feel exhausted? Do you feel uncomfortable around your coworker Kevin? Do you feel resentful of your mothers intrusions? Each of these problems is telling you that you're lacking boundaries in this area of your life.
I've identified seven common types of boundaries. Understanding each type can help you clarify the specific boundaries that you may need.
1) Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries protect your space and body, your right to not be touched, to have privacy, and to meet your physical needs such as resting or eating. They tell others how close they can get to you, what kind of physical touch (if any) is okay, how much privacy you need, and how to behave in your personal space. A physical boundary clearly defines that your body and personal space belong to you. Saying NO is ok to anything line you chose to draw with people.
2) Sexual Boundaries
Sexual boundaries protect your right to consent, to ask for what you like sexually, and to honesty about your partner's sexual history. They define what kind of sexual touch and intimacy you want, how often, when, where, and with whom.
3) Emotional or Mental Boundaries
Emotional or mental boundaries protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts, to not have your feelings criticized or invalidated, and not have to take care of other people’s feelings. My daughter Manda (Magic In The Make-up) shares great information on Emotional and Mental Boundaries in her segments .Emotional boundaries differentiate your feelings from other peoples, so you're accountable for your own feelings, but not responsible for how others feel. Emotional boundaries also allow us to create emotional safety by respecting each other’s feelings, not oversharing personal information that's inappropriate for the nature or level of closeness in the relationship.
4) Spiritual or Religious Boundaries
Spiritual boundaries protect your right to believe in what you want, worship as you wish, and practice your spiritual or religious beliefs. As an Evangelist and Church Leader, this was very hard for me to do to the needs that people had. If I was not available to those people I felt as if I would let them down and God would not be pleased with me. I reached out to my cousin Sharon Hines-Johnson who is an Elder. In the church regarding my extending myself to exhaustion. My cousin Sharon said “ Cousin, you have to set Spiritual Boundaries with people. God did not call you to exhaust yourself yet to balance. That advice was given to me over 9 years ago and I learned that with these boundaries I would be ineffective. My Spiritual mother, Apostle Sherrel Shelby, gifted me an amazing book called Boundaries which has not only helped me in ministry but also in my own personal growth.
6) Time Boundaries
Time boundaries protect how you spend your time. They protect you from agreeing to do things you don’t want to do, having people waste your time, and being overworked.
Examples: I reserve my evenings for family time. I'll respond to all work emails first thing in the morning.
7) Non-Negotiable Boundaries
Non-negotiable boundaries are deal-breakers, things that you absolutely must have in order to feel safe. They usually pertain to safety issues such as physical violence, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol use, fidelity, and life-threatening health issues.
Today my desire is for you amazing women to ‘Draw your line that marks the limit to where you allow people to penetrate your peace, life, space, mind, body, spirit, and soul. People are only given access to what you allow them to legally occupy. NO is absolutely ok.
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