Self-Care (but make it emotional)

When you think of “self-care”, what comes to mind?

We always see social media posts about a Self-Care Sunday, or see videos of people doing what is considered self-care to them. That could be them going shopping for a specific comfort item, journaling, being one with nature, working out… the list honestly is endless; and rightfully so! There’s so many ways to view self-care.

For myself, I have my own set idea of self-care. I might go candle shopping with my sister, get coffee, sit in my room and watch some comfort movies, work on my skincare; again, the list is endless. It’s whatever makes you happy, and makes you feel grounded. To others, our self-care habits might look completely different. But, I believe that it’s still just our way of understanding ourselves.

Now, my next question is, have you practiced emotional self-care?

Never heard of it? Well… this is a great time for me to tell you about it, why it’s important, and why you should put emotional self-care on your to-do list!

If we want to get technical (which the psych major in me would love to. Like, she’s literally dying to finally be able to get technical about something because she always feels the need to help people), let’s first talk about what exactly is emotional self-care?

Emotional self-care is:

“to become aware of, and identify, what you are feeling, and then allow yourself to lean into the feelings in a way that honors yourself and your emotions. We can try to ignore, deny, and suppress our emotions, but eventually they come out, one way or another.” (The Importance of Self-Care, 2020)

(What Is Emotional Self-Care?)

(proof that the psych major in me was dying to give a citation for this? It’s at the end lol)

Now that we have the definition out the way, let’s get back to what we’re all gathered here to learn!

Growing up, I believe that we are originally open to experiencing our own emotions. If we hurt ourselves or if someone hurts us, we are told to tell them or someone how we feel; which is us leaning into our feelings and accepting them for what they are. We are feeling these emotions openly and it’s so beautiful!

However, when we get older, we stop. We go from being brave about our emotions, to being called “too emotional” or “too sensitive”... and it’s never in a good way. It’s never a complement, it’s an offense. So then, we begin to unlearn all these healthy habits of communicating our feelings and it's unfair to the vocal child that you were, and the emotionally aware adult that you deserve to be for yourself.

So today, I hope this changes as I talk (or type?) you through some ways to cater to emotional self-care.

Step One: LEARN TO SAY “NO”

• DO NOT let saying no make you feel like you’re putting others at an inconvenience. Saying no to others is you saying yes to yourself and your own needs. What this can also be seen as to your younger self, is you standing up for yourself and your emotions.

• Don’t allow yourself to navigate out of a place of fear or disappointment when it comes to the word no. If they truly care for you and the situation, they will understand.

Step Two: DO NOT ACCEPT APOLOGIES IF YOU’RE NOT READY.

• Have you ever found yourself accepting an apology from someone, and not actually meaning it? Yeah… it’s time to stop doing that. Why? Because, all you’re doing is making room for their feelings and perception of a situation, before doing so for your own.

• If someone does something you don’t like, and follows up at any point in time with an “I’m sorry”, and you’re not ready to accept the apology? You can simply say, “I hear you.” This response lets the person know that you hear what they’re saying, but you aren’t in the place right now to accept their apology. You will no longer be accepting apologies just to make others feel better, while you’re still processing.

Step Three: CREATE BOUNDARIES.

• If I had to pick a favorite word that I have, it’s boundaries. Again, doing this doesn’t make you a bad person. Boundaries help you control what you allow into your space, and determine how you keep your space safe for you.

• If you start to realize that someone is talking to you about a topic that can potentially turn your day from sunshine and roses, to thunderstorms and weeds; or even if you didn’t have the best day, and you don’t want to make it worse with an off putting topic, start by asking them what exactly it is that they want to talk about. Let them know if you are currently not in the best headspace to have that specific conversation. Again, if they care for you, they will respect this boundary and your feelings.

FINALLY

Step Four: FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL.

• Please, do not let anyone stop you from feeling what you feel. If you’re angry, feel angry. If you’re sad, feel sad. If you’re hurt, feel hurt. But the goal? Don’t stay in those feelings for too long.

• I always tell myself and others that “You have the right to feel _______, but don’t stay in it.” Feeling these emotions make us human, but staying in them can make us numb to everything else.

You now have four ways to start tending to your emotional self-care! I hope these are beneficial for you, that they help you understand what you need, and how to give it to yourself. <3

- Manda

(My little citation lol)

Rooney, J. (2020, October 23). The Importance of Self-Care. tristatehospital.org. Retrieved March 15, 2023, from https://tristatehospital.org/the-importance-of-self-care/#:~:text=Emotional%20self%2Dcare.&text=What%20emotional%20self%2Dcare%20means,out%2C%20one%20way%20or%20another.